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This is the work-in-progress timeline for everything on this wiki! Be patient for this to be finished, as our historians have to review everything they've learned about 80 times to be able to accurately create this. If you find any continuity errors, feel free to change the timeline to fix it!

(PS: Ignore the numbers bits if you don't want to go through the trouble of deciphering them, it's just the Kevin part right before it in the "A-1, Z-26" code

Whenever Cancer's Death Toll Broke 100 Edit

Beginning of Time Edit

~4.54 Billion Years Ago Edit

120 BCE Edit

0 CE Edit

  • Supposedly Rome creates the Mecha-Jesusology Project, but was abandoned shortly after

1762 Edit

  • The NES is invented in an alternate timeline

1892 Edit

1893 Edit

1900 Edit

1915 Edit

1916 Edit

  • Bruce Wayng is forced to rethink his outlook on life after his girlfriend flees when she sees he was raised by bats

1918 Edit

1920 Edit

  • Japan creates the SNAWRB project

1923 Edit

1925 Edit

  • General Guy Fieri becomes a Private in the US Army
  • Bruce Wayng gains control of his own company, later to become the CEO of Brucenomics Inc.

1930 Edit

1939 Edit

  • Bruce Wayng has his mid-life crisis and is seen less often
  • Bat Mang makes his first appearance, saving a clown from a group of elephants

1941 Edit

1942 Edit

  • Bat Mang becomes more powerful than the local police force of Togham, Georgia
  • "The Riddlish" accidentally takes over Togham and is then killed by Bat Mang

1945 Edit

  • General Guy Fieri becomes General of the US Army after 20 years of service
  • Bruce Wayng disappears forever
  • Bat Mang is killed by a cat
  • A Bat Mang statue is unveiled and then torn down ten days later after it was found out that Bat Mang was part of a tricycle trafficking ring

1952 Edit

  • Alternate timeline France's French Communist Army (FCA) begins its rise as a result of alternate timeline General Guy Fieri joining the FCA and convincing Italy to join forces with France, temporarily becoming the French-Italian Communist Army (FICA) and conquers all but one of the surrounding countries

1964 Edit

  • Alternate timeline FICA defeats and annexes the US, becoming the American-French-Italian Legion (AFIL)

1965 Edit

  • AFIL annexes Canda, now becoming CAFIL (Canadian-American-French-Italian Legion), along with the rest of North and Central America (alternate timeline)

1967 Edit

  • 3-Year-Old Nicolas Cage sees a cancer patient's Make A Wish Foundation wish come true in a shitty Spiderman movie
  • The Make A Wish Foundation was officially formed by 3-year-old Nicolas Cage after he finds a magic fish named Johnathan that grants wishes

1974 Edit

  • Japan scraps the SNAWRB project

1976 Edit

  • Kevin invests in Apple a multitude of times / 11-5-22-9-14 9-14-22-5-19-20-19 9-14 1-16-16-12-5 1 13-21-12-20-9-20-21-4-5 15-6 20-9-13-5-19

~1985 Edit

  • CAFIL renames itself back to France (alternate timeline)

1987 Edit

1989 Edit

  • Colonel Adam Sandler joins the US Army
  • Col. Adam Sandler kills Donchawishyogirlhad D. Cupsboy, skipping 21 Army rankings as a result
  • France becomes the world's strongest country and thus a threat to other countries, so East Korea (North Korea in this universe) threatens with nuclear arms to release the previous countries, but France does not comply (alternate timeline)

1990 Edit

  • Col. Adam Sandler ends the war with Donchawishyocountrywaslikeme, now becoming Brigadier General
  • Col. Adam Sandler commits his first war crime (Shoving 492 Nintendo 3DS XL's up several hostages' anuses)
  • The French-Korean War of 1990 starts and ends ten days later, resulting in a world similar to that of the Fallout video game series (alternate timeline)

1991 Edit

  • Col. Adam Sandler kills Salami Bun Sanvich, now becoming General of the US Army
  • General Guy Fieri attempts suicide as a result of him losing his place in the US Army
  • Guy Fieri's wife (Lady Fieri) stops Guy Fieri and convinces him to live on through food shows
  • Col. Adam Sandler is forced to resign after demanding to use nuclear arms in the Cold War

1992 Edit

  • President Ronald McDonald-Reagan funded and founded Project POKEMON after watching only the 32nd episode of the Pokemon anime

1993 Edit

  • Col. Adam Sandler is re-instated to the US Army due to a war breaking out that would only end if Jack and Jill (a movie in which Adam Sandler plays both a man and that man's sister) is released and being re-instated was one of Sandler's dressing room requirements
  • The first Pokemon Park is finished and its subsequent disaster happens

1996 Edit

1997 Edit

2001 Edit

  • The first Titan-sized creature, Dick Blob, is created

2002 Edit

  • Web M-Death is created and ready to be launched, but has not yet been so

2005 Edit

  • The first Titan-sized and Titan-shaped creature, Dick Head McGee, was created
  • Australia picks up the SNAWRB project in preparation for the Australian-American War
  • The Illumi-knit-ti is formed

2011 Edit

2012 Edit

2013 Edit

  • March 25th, Arabitch is formed
  • March 26th, Arabitch is destroyed

2014 Edit

  • Kevin assassinates a random fireman because he felt like it / 11-5-22-9-14 1-19-19-1-19-19-9-14-1-20-5-19 1 18-1-14-4-15-13 6-9-18-5-13-1-14 2-5-3-1-21-19-5 8-5 6-5-12-20 12-9-11-5 9-20
  • October 21st, NotGonnaPlayMyDSForAWhileNowBecauseIHaveAWii-U-Itis becomes a "contained outbreak" thanks to the release of Super Smash Brothers for WiiU

2015 Edit

  • January 29th, Robo-Dactyl-Zilla Titan attacks a school in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and is killed by Col. Adam Sandler ("RDZT" and "attack" link to different pages)
  • The Titan Program finally creates a Titan (although it has a human penis), Richard T.
  • The Titan Program is shut down as aresult of the Robo-Dactyl-Zilla Titan attack
  • The Pokemon World theme park/military testing site opens 22 years after Pokemon Park and has its own disaster

2909 Edit

2913 Edit

  • Kevin invents a time machine at the age of 8, eighteen months before his own birth / 11-5-22-9-14 9-14-22-5-14-20-19 1 20-9-13-5 13-1-3-8-9-14-5 1-20 20-8-5 1-7-5 15-6 H, 5-9-7-8-20-5-5-14 13-15-14-20-8-19 2-5-6-15-18-5 8-9-19 15-23-14 2-9-18-20-8

2914 Edit

  • November 52nd, Kevin is born, and simultaneously a future version of himself tries to shoot his baby self as that future version was also being shot by an even further future version of himself while his baby self was shooting his mother 9 months before his own birth while he was being born but was also being shot by his father from an alternate timeline where guns were made of squid tentacles as well as a bunch of other crazy shit / 11-5-22-9-14 9-19 2-15-18-14 1-14-4 19-9-13-21-12-20-1-14-5-15-21-19-12-25 1 6-21-20-21-18-5 22-5-18-19-9-15-14 15-6 8-9-13-19-5-12-6 20-18-9-5-19 20-15 19-8-15-15-20 8-9-19 2-1-2-25 19-5-12-6 1-19 20-8-1-20 6-21-20-21-18-5 22-5-18-19-9-15-14 23-1-19 1-12-19-15 2-5-9-14-7 19-8-15-20 2-25 1-14 5-22-5-14 6-21-18-20-8-5-18 6-21-20-21-18-5 22-5-18-19-9-15-14 15-6 8-9-13-19-5-12-6 23-8-9-12-5 8-9-19 2-1-2-25 19-5-12-6 23-1-19 19-8-15-15-20-9-14-7 8-9-19 13-15-20-8-5-18 I 13-15-14-20-8-19 2-5-6-15-18-5 8-9-19 15-23-14 2-9-18-20-8 23-8-9-12-5 8-5 23-1-19 2-5-9-14-7 2-15-18-14 2-21-20 23-1-19 1-12-19-15 2-5-9-14-7 19-8-15-20 2-25 8-9-19 6-1-20-8-5-18 6-18-15-13 1-14 1-12-20-5-18-14-1-20-5 20-9-13-5-12-9-14-5 23-8-5-18-5 7-21-14-19 23-5-18-5 13-1-4-5 15-6 19-17-21-9-4 20-5-14-20-1-3-12-5-19 1-19 23-5-12-12 1-19 1 2-21-14-3-8 15-6 15-20-8-5-18 3-18-1-26-25 19-8-9-20
  • Kevin enters the next stage of his life, known only as "Kevin", and becomes every word that begins with the prefix "omni-" / 11-5-22-9-14 5-14-20-5-18-19 20-8-5 14-5-24-20 19-20-1-7-5 15-6 8-9-19 12-9-6-5, 11-14-15-23-14 15-14-12-25 1-19 "11-5-22-9-14", 1-14-4 2-5-3-15-13-5-19 5-22-5-18-25 23-15-18-4 20-8-1-20 2-5-7-9-14-19 23-9-20-8 20-8-5 16-18-5-6-9-24 "15-13-14-9-"

2924 Edit

  • Kevin finds one million dollars sitting in an alley and goes back to 2913 to create a time machine / 11-5-22-9-14 6-9-14-4-19 15-14-5 13-9-12-12-9-15-14 4-15-12-12-1-18-19 19-9-20-20-9-14-7 9-14 1-14 1-12-12-5-25 1-14-4 7-15-5-19 2-1-3-11 20-15 BIAC 20-15 3-18-5-1-20-5 1 20-9-13-5 13-1-3-8-9-14-5

2929 Edit

  • Kevin leaves his family as a multi-trillionaire and becomes the world's first (and last) time machine salesman / 11-5-22-9-14 12-5-1-22-5-19 8-9-19 6-1-13-9-12-25 1-19 1 13-21-12-20-9-20-18-9-12-12-9-15-14-1-9-18-5 1-14-4 2-5-3-15-13-5-19 20-8-5 23-15-18-12-4'19 6-9-18-19-20 (1-14-4 12-1-19-20) 20-9-13-5 13-1-3-8-9-14-5 19-1-12-5-19-13-1-14

2975 Edit

2976 Edit

  • The United States of Mars first uses its official name

2978 Edit

  • The United States of Mars is now officially an independent nation, marking the end of the Martian-American Revolutionary War

3012 Edit

  • Sentient life is discovered on Mars
  • Native Martians arise from their caverns

3023 Edit

  • The Dust Storm Prevention Squad (DSPS) is formed
  • Dust Storm Prevention Domes (DSPDs) are invented

3024 Edit

  • DSPDs are now widespread, preventing $20 trillion in dust storm damage

3034 Edit

  • Baton Qwinett invents the anti-ray gun, which is a gun capable of creating miniature, temporary black holes

3043 Edit

  • Sentient life existing beyond our solar system is confirmed
  • Logosians arrive at Mars

3045 Edit

  • The anti-ray gun is improved
  • Dark matter bombs (D-Bombs) are invented in a collaboration of Logosians and humans in the Manhattan Project Mk II

3046 Edit

  • GMO technology creates strawberry and chocolate milk cows and a strand of independently-moving corn
  • Dark matter is successfully integrated into space travel

3048 Edit

  • GMO tech successfully makes all humans immune to the common cold
  • Late 3048: a new strand of the cold virus named the uncommon cold is found

3050 Edit

  • Solar television (STV) is invented, making inter-planetary TV a reality

3051 Edit

  • Pilot episode of Brian, Bryan, and Briun airs

3057 Edit

  • Pilot episodes of That's So Laraven and Last Two Weeks Tonight air

3063 Edit

  • Native Martians and Logosians are found able to interbreed with each other and humans

3078 Edit

  • First tri-species (human, native Martian, and Logosian) baby is born with 4 arms, super strength, and an inexplicable fondness of chocolate cheese (cheese made from chocolate milk)

3100 Edit

  • First Logosian president is elected

3107 Edit

  • Apple2 invents the super-intelligent phone that is basically sentient, known as the Yphone

6969 Edit

  • Kevin shoots the leader of the Dolphin Army, Dolphin Hitler, thus ending the Great Dolphin/Man-Lizard War of 6969 and earning a Nobel Peace Prize / 11-5-22-9-14 19-8-15-15-20-19 20-8-5 12-5-1-4-5-18 15-6 20-8-5 4-15-12-16-8-9-14 1-18-13-25, 4-15-12-16-8-9-14 8-9-20-12-5-18, 20-8-21-19 5-14-4-9-14-7 20-8-5 7-18-5-1-20 4-15-12-16-8-9-14/13-1-14-12-9-26-1-18-4 23-1-18 15-6 FIFI 1-14-4 5-1-18-14-9-14-7 1 14-15-2-5-12 16-5-1-3-5 16-18-9-26-5

Presumably 6970 Edit

  • Kevin shoots a Man-Lizard baby directly in the face for "being a little bitch" and calling him "a dickwad with a time machine", thus revoking his Nobel Peace Prize / 11-5-22-9-14 19-8-15-15-20-19 1 13-1-14-12-9-26-1-18-4 2-1-2-25 4-9-18-5-3-20-12-25 9-14 20-8-5 6-1-3-5 6-15-18 "2-5-9-14-7 1 12-9-20-20-12-5 2-9-20-3-8" 1-14-4 3-1-12-12-9-14-7 8-9-13 "1 4-9-3-11-23-1-4 23-9-20-8 1 20-9-13-5 13-1-3-8-9-14-5", 20-8-21-19 18-5-22-15-11-9-14-7 8-9-19 14-15-2-5-12 16-5-1-3-5 16-18-9-26-5

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