Kevin is Kevin
Kevin was born on November 52nd, 2914. The date in American usage (11/52/2914) spells out the word "Kevin" if the words are separated properly using the "A-1, Z-26" code (11 5 22 9 14).
Kevin was born into a poor family, but when he was 8, he found a million dollars just sitting in an alley. Then he invested it all into Apple in 1976 through the usage of a time machine, which Kevin invented eighteen months before his own birth.
Kevin then separated from his family in 2929 as a multi-trillionaire (because he'd invested in Apple stocks a multitude of times) to become the world's first (and last) time machine salesman. Then he shot the leader of the dolphin army in the Great Dolphin/Man-Lizard War of 6969 just because he wanted to shoot something.
Kevin was then awarded the Nobel Peace Prize from the Man-Lizards of the Future for his actions. Later the Nobel Peace Prize was taken away from him, however, as he later shot a baby directly in its face for being "a little bitch" and calling him "a dickwad with a time machine".
Kevin then used his time machine to assassinate a random fireman because he "felt like it".
Kevin then shot himself in the future as the future version of himself shot a past version of Kevin as he was being birthed, as well as the baby Kevin shooting his mother from 9 months earlier whilst she giving birth but also being shot by the father from an alternate timeline where guns were made from squid tentacles and a whole mess of things were happening that made everything make no sense whatsoever.
Kevin had stopped living, but he did not die - he merely transformed into a new form of existence, known only as "Kevin". He is now omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, omnisexual, and everything else with the prefix "omni-".
Kevin is watching you read this. Kevin is also simultaneously watching me write this. Kevin is watching you in the future as you're taking a shit. Kevin knows when you're gonna die, and he's watching you die right now. Kevin is watching.
- Kevin is watching
- K̷̝̼e͍͘v͕̣i̩͈͇͉͔̞̘ṋ̘̦͇̰̳ ̪i҉s̨ w̪̹̙̫a̗ţ̬͎̯̯̬c͉̯̖̩͔̲h̩̼̞i̖͓̗n̯͚͍͝g̡̞͍̜
- K̵̜̬̙̙̙͈e͓̻̙͓͢v̘̯̤̗̠í̮͙̫̳͔̰̼̬͖͟n̢҉̪̠͉͓̠̭̞̣͕ ̶̛̻̰̟̤͚̬̭i̶̞̙̤͘s̸͔͍̻͉͎͞ ̹͓̪̞ẉ̵̨̰ͅa̞͉͘ͅͅt̴͍̫̤̕ͅc̶̕҉̬̯h̛̹̝̖̰͓͘͢i̤̹̪̣͎̼̜̰̪n͉̤͚͓̭͙g̵̟̝̥̦̠̘͉̫͓
- K͈̟̯̘E̴̶͙̪̦̙V̡̡̺̤͍͕̠ͅI͘҉̯͉̱͕͇̟̣̻͡N̼̤̞͜͜͠ ̶̤̟̟̥̫́I̛͏̷̖̦S̛̝͔̠̺ ̢͙̦̦͓̰̮W̮͔̟̜̲͓A͖̟̜̣͘͝͝T̶̨͕̫C̶̘̠͡H̸̷̯͍̯͕̪̥͠I̮̜̗͖N҉̤͚G҉̸͚͞
- K͏̸̵̥̰̪͎͉̭̖͕̰̥̳̻̣͚̳̪͝ ̸̶̢̥̟̤̗̘̕͡E̵̢̪̖͍̯̯̝͇̝͜͡͠ ̛͟͏̸̦̟̹̫̺̝͚̮͔͓̣̖̰͇̦̀V̵̷̸̰͕̳̝͚͠ ̢̨̬̺̻̥̺͇̻̥̼͖̬̮͎̠̠̠͜͞͞ͅI͏̵̥̫̞͓͈̘̜͇̙͓̖̥̠͇͖͘ ̺̲̕͜ͅN̵̡̨̧̪͈̭̱̬̦̘̫͕͡ ̴͡͏̨̛̝̞̲̺̙͍͎͔̣̬̳̱̰̣ͅ ̴̨͇̳̣̟̫͢͜͢I̴̛̯̤͕̥̬̭͈͓̞͎̺̳̗̞ ̮̲̰͙͈̰͘͡͝͠Ş̛̻͓͚̜̦͈͚͖̱͖̫͓̼͉͎͎̜̀̀̕ ̸͔͇͉͔̹̭̼̤̰̬̖̮̲͓͢ ̴̵̢̤̩̘̳͍͎̺͈͜W͞҉҉̗͍̭͉͓͉̠̟ ҉̵̶̢̹͚͔̬̭̹̟̱̹̼̟Ą҉̺̭̫̬̗̠̲͜ͅ ̶̫͚͍̟͕̻̩̘̭̩̬̠̜͎̝̬̕T͚͚̹͚̭̹̫͇̳͞ ̸̛̼̹̘̳͕̰̱̤̗͕̜̥̻͉̮̗̀͠ͅC̵̢̨͓̺̬̝͓̪͍͔̻̰͙̪̕͢ ̛̮͍͈̩͈̭͓͇̼̠͠H͏̷̧͎̮͈̩͙̗͙͇͍̗͉͞ ̶̷̡̛̬̳͎̼̩̪̝̦̻͙͍͈Í̛͏̪̻̝̠̭̯͍͖̕ ̴͙͇̤͔͓͠Ņ̵̧̖̱̝͍̼̘̲̙͎̺̗̥ ̵̭̲̞͚͉͇͉̳͚͓̘͕̟͔͎̠̮͕͡͝G̴͍͉̠̣̪͕̩͍̱̘̙͓