Colonel Adam Sandler, or more well known to the world as Adam Sandler (Actor), is an actor by day and a war hero by night. Although not actually a Colonel anymore, Col. Adam Sandler used to be a third-offence War criminal for his usage of atomic bombs and similar nuclear arms.
It's Adam Sandler. Google it.
Col. Adam Sandler started as a private in the U.S. army in 1989 and was rapidly promoted to the rank of Colonel after killing a terrorist only the government knew about, Donchawishyogirlhad D. Cupsboy, skipping 21 other army rankings. Two years later, he ended the war with Donchawishyocountrywaslikeme, where D.D. Cupsboy lived, thus promoting him to Brigadier General. His next promotion was to General, which skipped another two ranks, after he killed Salami Bun Sanvich (pronounced San-vick). He was forced to leave after this due to his demand to use atomic bombs in the Cold War, but was re-instated again two yeas later because of a new war that would only end if Jack and Jill was released. It was (years later), but Adam Sandler demanded to be re-instated to the army as General of the Army for one of the dressing room requirements, which was oddly met. He continues to be so today, leading the U.S. into secret wars and missions only his troops know about.
War Crimes Edit
Technically, Adam Sandler should not be in the army anymore due to his several war crimes. These crimes include:
- Shoving 492 Nintendo 3DS XL's up several hostages' anus (Killing hostages)
- Usage of Atomic Bombs
- Slapping all his prisoners 87 times in the rear with a hotdog (Mistreatment of war prisoners)
- Stabbing a kitten (although this turned out to be the leader of the warmongering city-state of Afrikansa)
- Shwooshin right into your heart
- Touchin' da hiney
- Adam Sandler's promotions through army ranks is the quickest promotion in the history of the U.S.
- He was enlisted in 1989 and become General of the Army in 1991
- His father was afraid of him for his entire life, including the pregnancy phases and during birth
- He is thought to have OCD and some other mental disorders that caused his 492 3DS anus-shoving and 87-time hot dog butt-slaps
- He also owns the entire "Kentucky Fried Chicken" line of restaurants and is actually the real Colonel of said restaurants.
- He shot off Robo-Dactyl-Zilla Titan's head after its attack on January 29th, 2015.
- Adam Sandler is the reason that Arabitch was destroyed so quickly after its declaration of independence.